spiritual revolutions

Who was it that said that throughout one's relationship with God one undergoes several spiritual revolutions? Some author, can't remember, but I do find it true. Less than a week ago I heard a good local preacher speak about... uhh... well, I guess he just spoke about a lot of the common misconceptions we have about what it means to [cliché:] 'walk with the Lord.'

One thing that was renewed to my understanding was the basic element of love in my perception of my Father in heaven. I recognise that the love in my heart to God has gone cold because my life has turned to be about pleasing myself. All this is really basic to all those of us who've grown up within church walls. To me it's a big issue though!

Just a couple of days I was sitting in my car with one of my two best friends talking about our friendship from every conceivable angle. Why, what and when it was: our friendship. Our motives etc. Whenever we talk we usually end up in a rather melancholic mood, but this time it was worse. When I think back over my life I am shocked to find out that I haven't really retained my friendship with any of my childhood friends. The main reason that we are still friends is because we attend the same church. The point is that I've always been a really lame friend. I.. I didn't really know what it was until it occured to me that day in the car: my life is about me. I have friends to keep my sanguine fear of rejection at bay (my biggest fear: rejection). I don't serve them. They serve me. I invest my time and energy in them for immediate emotional gain. I kid you not!

This, of course, is reflected in my relationship with God. I serve Him only for my own sake. No, I haven't crucified my flesh and taken up my cross. Aye, I just wanna be really good friends with the Spirit, because I recognise that He deserves it. -because I love Him.

Yet there is still hope:

"As long as there is time there is hope."